Survival (Part 2)-Retreat

I couldn't slept.My eyes are tired but I couldn't slept.My ears kept listening to sounds,a crack,a tickling,anything that tinnily sounded.My eyes kept staring at the door,at the floor,if the light were on.I was waiting for them to realized that their gay son had came back.Suddenly my eyes slept.

ZzzZzzZzzZzzZzz*snort*

I woke again.It was 6 morning.I should get ready to get dressed,get out from the house as soon as possible,maybe I too afraid to confront this to my dad.

In the afternoon,while I was break from my job,suddenly I saw my brother with his friend,I tried to hide myself but nothing could hide me,as we saw each each other.I faced him,with all my guts,trying to deny whatever gay stuff he'll spill out later.But he wasn't,like nothing happened,or maybe because his friend were there,he couldn't tell any.He just tell me to go home as he never saw me that night.I was so relief,maybe my dad haven't told them yet.

"You're gay,right?""For God sake,I'm not!"

But I not going home tonight.I straightly went to the place where I used to spend my entire night life.Not club,mind you,it's Internet cafe.

What happened in the next morning,I couldn't reveal to anyone,which I made a promise to that person.So,skip to when I went home at 11 morning.I went in and saw my mother there.Uh oh OMGWTF!OK,what you wanna say,ya better say it now! But she just asking me where I went,no more than that.After I hand the money to my Aunt Lara to give later to my dad,I went have breakfast with my mum.While we walking,I told her the news about a 14 year old son punched and swore to his mother,because his mother found out that his son had a boyfriend,20 year old.His mother asked him to leave his boyfriend and this gay relationship,but the son wasn't listen,he scold her mother,told her that she wasn't deserved to be a mother to him,which she can't afford whatever things he need,which his boyfriend gave him money to support the family,before laid his hand to his mother.

We went back after breakfast,from the kitchen window before I were in front of the gate,I saw a half naked figure of a man.Who'll it be if wasn't my dad?I quickly open the gate,if I could cast haste spell on me to make me escape from him.And he,like nothing happened last Sunday,and how about the gay word I told him?Nothing,not even a conversation between us,as usual,there's nothing to talk about.

I had my mother in the room,play Lady Gaga's,and told her the incident that happened but I'm never told her that I'm gay,trying everything to denied myself a gay in the room.Then we had a talk about the gay boy news we talking,then celebrities who was gay.We had GAY issues!My mother used to homophobic when it come to gay issue,but after I confront her about gay people,changed her view about gay people,and I succeeded.I could talk about gay stuff whenever I wanted to.

"OK,tell me what you want to talk,Bradley"

Later at night,my brother came back.I also told the incident to him (we often joked about gay stuff,where we always told my mother that he is gay,he told her I'm gay,just joking around),then my brother told me that my dad had told them,when I was not in the house,my brother jokingly told my mother that I'm gay,then my dad told him:"Your brother is GAY!He earned money by letting people fucking him!Don't know how many people had fucked him?!"Then I told him it's was just to pissed off him.

Since that day,whenever I went to Internet and only went home the next morning,

Mum:Spend your day with your boyfriend?
Bradley:Yeah,I miss him,I loved him,I need him,everything about HIM.

Wish I had a boyfriend to say that,and bring him back to introduce him to my parent(when I ready to do so).Well,now I should retreat to my closet again.

I love you,my future boyfriend.

Survival (Part 1)-The Encounter

After the incident happened last Sunday,I was afraid to go home(on the same day).I knew if I do so I'll face the shrieking sound of musics from my family!Imagine 3 people!I might have no peace if they're such a homophobic person.

"Come on and hit me!" "Oh yeah I'll do that!"

Whenever I think back what had I said to my dad,I'll give myself a little sigh-smile,monologue myself how stupid am I saying such the word "gay" to him!When my cousin Jamie found that out (she the second person to know,which the first person I told to was Sammie dude,told him the incident before I posted,seeking advices),she called me and wanna meet me.I was in Mid Valley and she were there about 30 minutes later.Jamie,she look younger than her real age,perhaps she was born in wrong age.

Luckily she was open with this homosexuality issues,told me that I can't get marriage here as the Malaysia's law disapprove gay marriage unlike some other countries that legalize gay marriage,which I know was Canada and some places in United State.Jamie told me that if I want to get marriage I shall migrate to Belgium,where her friend went there married with his partner and had some puppies.I long know that Malaysia won't legalize gay marriage,unless someone could change their view and opinion upon gay marriage,it will be like one in a thousand years,but someone I know,Sammie dude and his ex-beau,before they broke up,they wore a ring(well I wasn't sure if Lance wore it) to prove their relationship.If gay people wanted a long relationship,they should had these 3 things-COMMITMENT,COMMUNICATION AND TRUST.

Hot as straight couples

After some talk,I stupidly told her that I could independent on myself and she disagree my though.For some reason she told me,I think a while and agree what she said,which I wasn't ready to independent yet!I don't have a real steady job,I don't have huge income .So at here i wanna say this to her:Jamie,I took back whatever I said about me could being independent.Yes I still can't stand on my both bare feet yet,and I still need shoes to support me.
From the conversation between my cousin,she told me lot about herself,when she first came down to KL from Sarawak,she had money just enough for her meals,with a place to stay.She didn't ask anyone's help,from there she started to find a job which is office job,lecture at night and two job on weekends.4 jobs in a week,I could be exhausted if I were in her shoe!

After spending the night she volunteered to sent me home but night is still early and I wasn't ready to face him,I asked her to dropped somewhere and proceed to Bukit Bintang.As the clock struck on midnight,I'm ready to go home,I just couldn't care what'll happen to me later.Might some bruises on my face,tears run down to my cheeks,suffering in pain and all those things might happened to me.

One thing should I know-SURVIVE!

As my leg dragged my body to the house of punishment,I were thinking what should I say to him later on?"Hey dad,this morning the word I said was mean happy"-nope I shouldn't say that,Sammie dude warned me that and after all he is not dumb!Or should I say:"Hey dad,this morning I tried to testing on you,to make you angry I said that word"-hmm quite OK maybe he will fall on this trick.Or should I tell him the whole thing?

I walked to the front of my house-light off,no sounds.OK I'm ready to go in.But if they sitting at the hall waiting or welcome me?Ahh,who's care!Open the gate and the door,*relief* all in their bedroom.I straightly went into my room quietly which I'm so expert to do that :p.

Sleep and think about tomorrow.

Expect the Unexpected

I grab Galaxie magazine with Miley Cyrus on the cover,with small pictures of David Archuleta and Robert Pattinson going to kiss(failed) Kristen Stewart.It on the newsstands on 13 June.





I should get it when it was out on the newsstands and NOT today!


While browsing some of the pages,I went to the arcade video games at Sungei Wang Plaza.I played King of Fighters 2000(I love use Kula Diamond-hidden character,as last person and not to use her when fighting Zero,Kula's scene will show) and King of Fighters 2001(Kula,Vanessa,Iori and Xiang Fei-I used her beat Igniz twice).Then I read the magazine from the first page.


I reached to page 4 where the letter section.There a selected letter will receive RM50 Amuleto by Crystal Jade voucher.Then I saw the winner's name-Bradley Jesse Hyunckel!


It's was me and my letter was selected!


I did sent a email to them past 2 month ago,and I wasn't expected that my letter will be publish on the magazine.And thousand of thousand of reader will read it and my name too!(such a rare name eh?)The content are:

NOT SO MUCH ANYMORE
Congratulation on the new look.I like it but I'm hoping you won't reduce the size anymore.I remember when it used to be huge and it wasn't stapled.The next thing you know,this mag will be a mini-pocket size entertainment mag!Anyway,good work on the mag.the one thing that's missing in the magazine is the Songwords section.where is it?also,there are less posters in the magazine,why?I hope this is something temporary.

The reply are:
Hey!That's great idea--a mini-pocket size Galaxie.We'll be able to follow you wherever you go!As for the Songwords section,it will be back.We're just trying to finalise some stuff before we launch it.look out for it in an upcoming issue.


So what the voucher was about?Restaurant?Boutique?

Come Out from the Closet

Today,just an hour ago,when I was in the car with my dad,to bank to withdraw some money to him.

There's no conversations between us as usual.We hardly talk to each and the last conversation before today was a week ago!

............

With silent in the car drove by him,30 minutes later we reach near to my working place,Bukit Bintang's Maybank.I off the car and entered the bank.The bank door wasn't welcome me as I had to push it by my hand.(Duh every bank is the same).I entered my card,press PIN code and withdraw few hundreds but OMGWTF the machine did reject my card.it said can't be processed.Of course I mad as I need to give to my dad.

When I empty handed forward to my dad car,I said the problem and suddenly he get mad,he need the money urgent by today.

Bradley:The card got problem,it can't be processed
Dad:*mad*I need the money today!
Bradley:It's sunday today.What can I do?
Dad:*still mad*Let's go to the next bank!*drove*

After yelling at each other between us,where he said we don't care about him,this and that,that he need the money immediately.He admitted he fed up with us!

Bradley:So do you want to disown me?
Dad:YES!
Bradley:OK!You have disown me then!You have a useless son!

When he stopped near Kota Raya,I get out from the car,pissed,and he asked me to go to the building to reset my code or whatever.But I not planning listen to him,after what he said to me!Once I get out the car...

Bradley:Know what?I'm GAY!I'm GAY!
Dad:*speechless*
Bradley:*after a few steps from the car,turn back to him*I mean it!It's over!
Dad:*stunned*

I know I been so stupid to come out to him in this situation but I just can't control myself!It's just like someone forced me to say!I had no choice but to say!I regret but what is done,done!I can't just believe that I said this to him!I just don't know what will happen to me if I ever step my foot in the house tonight?Maybe I'll get whack by him?He is body builder and arms wrestling champs in the past!Even Malek Noor is his student!So I should know that I shouldn't mess with him.

now,what should I do now?

Change!

I been looking at my blog-Heteromo & Kinsey6 Guy,the title of this blog only.

And I were thinking:Everyone I knew have a suitable or more better name for their blog.

e.g:Sammie dude's Transmission8 and DayBreak(a new life or rather,birth by Sammie),Azrin's Oxygen-Me,Florence's Greeny Florencestory...don't you think its such a great name for their blog?

So I decided to make some changes too...From now on this blog not longer Heteromo & Kinsey6 Guy but Bearer of True Runes.

Everyone will change right?

So come on tell me is this title will make great on my blog?
p/s:If you know what is the "True Runes" I writing about,you know that I'm so addicted to it!

Dangerousness of Forbidden Love

Sammie's blog > Archives > October 2008 > Click on Mattheu

I reached to a post-Mattheu.

I read until his brother Perry warned him the dangerousness of falling for straight guys,yeah very dangerous for Sammie dude.In his post,Mattheu,his best friend,Sammie kissed Mattheu in his sleep after loss his grandmother.As you know,its hard to had your best friend suddenly kissed you and realized that he is gay!

So I was thinking,I did fall into a straight guy.I knew this guy since we're kid,in other word,his is my childhood friend.We went to same secondary school and the very same class with my best buddy from elementary school.After we're arranged to sits,and I,was sitting behind this mixed heritage dude,wasn't knew his name,suddenly turned his head and

Kyril : Hey Bradley,its me Kyril

kyril-name changed to protect our friendship and prevent misunderstanding

I was shocked when he did knew my name,clearly,in correct pronunciation (later on he sang a song that have a name in it,I liked the song but wasn't knew the song) after not seeing each other for the past 6 years as I had flew back to my hometown-Penang.Then I back here to KL after a year,right after I finished my first elementary.As a kid,I do not knew him anymore (a year seem so long to kid),I wasn't knew him name.We still stay at the very same condominium but later at secondary form 1,I found out he was just schooling next to my school when he was elementary year!So first year I wasn't as I was now,I used to be normal boy,except different family background.

I've change!

When I was on form 2,the looks of him,the looks of good-lookingness,is a key to unseal the other me,sleeping long since I was birth to this world,finally awaken.Yeah the 'thing' is my gayness.I wasn't a gay before.At this part my lead some misunderstanding,so at here,I,Bradley would like to add a few words,that Kyril,IS NOT A GAY,HE IS STRAIGHT!What do I mean he was the key to unseal,is nothing,zero percentage,involved in sexual nor similar actions.Yes no actions on me he did.

Then why he is the key?

Well,for the countless times I looked at him,I realized that,something deep in me,had feeling on him,more than a friend!Was that GAY?For the first time in my life,since I was born,I had my very first crush,and on a guy,HIM,STRAIGHT.Since onward,I always,I mean always,had him in my mind,24/7,365.His hair,his face,hi voice,his actions,his body,everything and everything!A feeling beyond the border between friends-SEXUAL FEELING?

But I know myself,more than others.Wasn't totally gay yet because I wanna to lead a normal life,as other students,boyfriend-girlfriend.I tried my best to think,to have a girlfriend (well I did thought of Florence but at the end,friend and Michelle,the prettiest from elementary but still no feeling,not even wanna have a talk with her) but never once I questioning my sexuality.I thought I'm AC DC or Bisexual.

Its not happen.I confirm myself that I'm totally gay last year May 2008.Last month I really wanna come out to him.First I called him and said I have something to tell him,but when I reached at his door,before I knocked,I nervous and I skip away from there.Then the next night,I was sitting at the staircase.Later on,the lift open and he come out,shocked that I was sitting there alone.

Kyril:(Shocked)Hey Bradley,what you doing here?
Bradley:Oh nothing,just spying someone,stalking.
Kyril :Spying?girl is it?
Bradley:Nope.
Kyril :Guys?(his reaction change)
Bradley:(Uh-oh) nope,I was spying at my house,waiting for my brother,he had the key and I left mine in the house.And I doesn't to wake my mother.(I lied)
Kyril:Hey,is that you called me yesterday?
Bradley:Uh,yes,there's something I wanna tell you.
Kyril :Huh,wait!Is there something to do with my family?
Bradley:Nope,it's about me.Uh can you keep a secret?if I tell you?
Kyril :I'm not sure if I can.But is it gotta to do with my family?

(why is he afraid rumors about his family?)
Bradley:No.Well I want you to know that I was different.

--------------------------
I was giving him clue to find out myself,yet he still don't get it.
--------------------------

Kyril :(looking outside)
Bradley:Kyril,I am (tongue tied,swallow my saliva) G....A....Y!

(Picked some of conversations between us)

Right that he did gave a lot of advices,but I wish more.As it's was night 1 am,and he need to rest and the conversation ended there and that the last time we talked.Just nothing,our friendship still continue but everyone busy and he need to spare time with his girlfriend.While I walked home,I told myself:Did I told Kyril that I'm gay?Yeah you're Bradley!You done it,mission complete!You finally told him,the first person,face to face(others by using sms).GAP

Thank you for being there with me,Kyril

So I'm been thinking,should I tell him that why I became different person than he used to know me back in school time?Should I tell him that because of him I discover the real me?But I afraid that will brake our friendship.Is that cool if he know that I had crush on him.Will it happen as the scene between Sammie and Mattheu?